Someone Tell me I did good...

They won't.

Getting good grades, coloring within the lines, answering that email within minutes, anticipating needs and seeking always seeking for a sign that you did good.

A smile, or a nod, or a thank you will give you fuel for the day and then you’ll need to recharge again tomorrow. So you go down your check list of what would make them happy an whole so you feel happy and whole.

At home you will have dinner on time and the house clean for someone to notice those pristine floors. At work you will go the extra mile again and again. You will believe they see the hours you put in when no one is looking and you will believe it will pay off. Hoping, that person who ever it is, at home, at work, or in your social group will see you.

Day in and day out, you do not ask for anything in return. The days pass and it takes more and more to fill you up again. You feel empty and you notice the joy you once got from seeing them smile fade. Neither acknowledges the other because it is now an expectation.

You are the reliable, the “yes” person, the one people go to. That person begins to fade slowly the asks eat at you, enrage you. You resent them, all of them. “Let them do it themselves,” you say. Let them see how much they need me. Let them see that without me they are lost. And so, you stop and realize, you are replaceable, easy to forget.

Your acts forgotten and you were never really needed.

That raise you never asked for goes to someone else. That other person is hired to do your job, and you move on. They all move on. Despite the goodbyes, the card, cake and well wishes, it all moves one without you.

But what are you without being needed? Who are you?

No one to serve, no one to show them your results and deliverables. No one to praise you, say they want to see you grow or see the potential in you.

But did they really? Did they really care? You question your past, your present and your reality. One day you will wake up and realize you did good. You live for you. you make yourself that coffee for your enjoyment. You begin to ask for what you want.

You are someone good.